“Hurray, hurrah you made it to The Smartest Book in the World. You are now officially more inquisitive than all your bored friends. In your hands you hold a clamorous compendium, a rancorous reportage, a lexicon of literacy. This is the burning bush, the Rosetta stone, the Fountain of Youth, the Grail to all the funnest knowledge and most freaktastical answers to the questions you’ve never asked, like: Which Roman Emperor would be the best first baseman? And does vodka go with vodka? You know, the vitals.”